French Quarter conversations, mostly crude

Male passenger A: My friend here puked in a taxi last night.
Male passenger B: Yeah! The driver made me pay $100.
Male passenger A: How much do you charge if we throw up on your bike?
Note: I thought about this later and concluded that the taxi driver was more than justified.  If it happened to me -- and I'm thinking that sooner or later it's bound to -- I believe that I would definitely be entitled to compensation (though whether I would have the guts to demand it is another question.) On a good night being forced to head back to the shop to wash down the bike could cost me $50 or $60 in lost fares. For an auto taxi there's also the expense of cleaning upholstery of course. 

Drunk girl staggers across the street in front of me, holding up her hand for me to stop. Her eyes swimming into focus, she sees my female passengers and addresses them:
 "All men suck! Even the gay ones."
Note: My passengers seemed to think that this was the funniest thing they had ever heard. When I safely delivered them to their destination, one of them said, "Wow, we found a man who doesn't suck! And he's not even gay."

Obese transvestite to me: What are you doing after you get off work?
Me: Going home to my beautiful wife.
Obese transvestite: Can I come?

Drunk female passenger to me: Can I touch your ass?
Her slightly soberer (and very embarrassed) date: No, you can't touch his ass!

Me to fortune teller on the street: How's it going?
Fortune teller: Terrible. I haven't had a single customer all day! I'm waiting and hoping for just one so I can get enough money for beer and cigarettes and go home.
Me: Sorry to hear you're having such a bad day. But you must have seen it coming, right?
Note: I know, that was a real cheap shot. I just couldn't resist.


Me to female passenger: I'm blogging about my job. So if you say something interesting, you might see yourself quoted online.
Female passenger: I was told once that my vagina has a hood.

Me to male passenger (from Mississippi if I remember right): I'm blogging about my job. So if you say something interesting, you might see yourself quoted online.
Male passenger: I shot a deer last week.